christmas learnings

Who knew I would want to write in this thing so badly and yet every time I come over here I end up not having the time and having to go somewhere else. So now I have 15 minutews before the Roastery closes and I thought, what the heck at least I have 15 minutes to write something. It probably won't sound as eloquant as I would like but at least it's something. This Christmas has been such a good one. One of just relaxing and spending time with people I love and just being. And in all the time to just be I think I'm really learning alot about myself and this life I've been having. And in a way I feel like I just need to stop what I've been doing and sit down with different people in my life and just talk. Catch up with what they're doing and just listen cause let me tell you I really don't. I've been reading this book which I sadly finished tonight and wish I could just read it over like 5 more times, and maybe I will, but whatever, I have been reading this book and just being super challenged to be real. Real with the people around me, but more than that real with myself cause if I'm not real with me than how can I be real with anyone else. So somewhere througout all these thoughts that have been swirling in my head I feel like I've started to learn some big things that I'm sure will take more time than this short Christmas break to unravel but none the less some good lessons, so here they are: I learned that for too long I tried to push or pull people into my own journey, not realizing that everyone has a journey of their own, and all journey's will look different. Instead I got all puffed up and decided that my journey was the best and if people would just join mine they'd be fine. But the thing was that's not how God works ( I don't think anyway). He's going to take everyone on their own special journey with their own lessons and their trials and joys and experiences, and where's the joy in everyone taking one journey. I learned that I don't want to just turn on my happy emotions and pretend that I know the answer, and that answer is just Jesus. Don't get me wrong I don't think that Jesus is not the answer in fact a very much think He is, but I think he has so much to teach me and so much to reveal to me about Himself, and I just keep putting Him in my 'everythings happy' box and I think there's more to him than that, I think He's in the questions and the lonliness and the grey areas and that He's ok with when I'm there and I'm trying to figure it out as long as I'm looking at Him when I'm asking these questions and not turning my back I think He's ok with it all and it's all part of the jounrney. I've learned that I love the arts. I want to play more piano, bake more banana bread, paint more pictures and grow more herbs. I want to create more. I think we should use our gifts more. The things that make us tick. I think He's in these gifts and we'll learn alot about our God if we step out and use what he's given us. I've learned I need to love more, and not love in a conditional sense like when people are how I want them to be. But I really need to love. I've learned that the Roastery is closing and I need to be done this thing. Sorry about the spelling mistakes and all things that don't make sense. I just needed to write in here and get a little of this on this blog. Much love and good-night...